Xtra

XTRA for the Second Half of 2002
A veritable hodgepodge of items, mostly humorous, for your reading and/or viewing enjoyment.

Amok

Must Read

Poems

Quickies

Quotes

Say What?

Thoughts

Xtra

The way back home.

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Posted here for 12-30-02. From an e-mail dated 12-16-02. Thanks, Mike.

DISASTER IN MEXICO!
A big earthquake with the strength of 9.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock. Canada is sending troops to help the Mexican army control the riots. The European community is sending food and money.

The United States of America is sending 150,000 replacement Mexicans...!"

Posted here for 12-16-02. From an e-mail dated 12-9-02. Thanks, Bob.

A man goes to his dentist because he feels something is wrong with his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is completely corroded. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious: Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything -- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, you name it."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time I'll use chrome."

"Why chrome?" asks the patient.

The dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

Posted here for 12-9-02. From an e-mail dated 11-13-02. Thanks, Bob.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little runt, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Posted here for 12-2-02. Source: "The Clinton Memoirs," Resource Roundup, November 2002, page 8. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website.

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. His wife Hillary got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for memories from two people who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

Posted here for 11-25-02. From an e-mail dated 11-18-02. Thanks, Tim.

Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. ---Sue Lin Chong, Washington
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. ---Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. ---Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. ---Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. ---Russell Beland, Springfield
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. ---Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00p.m. instead of 7:30p.m. ---Roy Ashley, Washington
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. ---Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. ---Russell Beland, Springfield
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. ---Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. ---Unknown
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. ---Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. ---Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m.at a speed of 35 mph. ---Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. ---Wayne Goode, Madison, AL
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. ---Paul Kocak, Syracuse NY
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. ---Russell Beland, Springfield
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. ---Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. --- Unknown
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. ---Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. ---Sandra Hull, Arlington
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interviews on "Jeopardy." ---Jean Sorensen, Herndon
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. ---Jerry Pannullo, Kensington
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. ---Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. ---Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1 beer night. ---Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. ---John Kammer, Herndon
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. ---Barbara Collier, Garrett Park
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. ---Susan Reese, Arlington
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. ---Marian Carlsson, Lexington
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill. ) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. ---J. F. Knowles, Springfield
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant ---Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. ---Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium. ---Unknown
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. ---Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. ---Susan Reese, Arlington

Posted here for 11-18-02. From an e-mail dated 11-11-02. Thanks, Michael.

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck.

One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!

Bill Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Billie Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
B. Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
William Jefferson Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
W. Jefferson Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
W. Jeff Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
W. J. Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
W. Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
William J Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Willem Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Wilhelm Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Billy Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Willie Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Will Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Mr. Hillary Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
Mr. Willie Clinton, 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Posted here for 11-11-02. From an e-mail dated 11-1-02. Thanks, Michael.

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternative meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
And finally, Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.

Posted here for 11-4-02. From an e-mail dated 8-30-02. Thanks, Dave.

Florida Activates New Voting Machines for the Election

Posted here for 10-28-02. From an e-mail dated 10-23-02. Thanks, Tim.

QANTAS PILOTS

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Posted here for 10-21-02. Source: "Too True," The American Enterprise, October/November 2002, page 11. Address: 1150 17th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20036. Phone: 202-862-5886. Fax: 202-862-5867. E-mail. Website.

A doctor, a lawyer, and a mathematician were debating which profession appeared first in the Bible.

"God removed a rib from Adam to make Eve," said the doctor. "That's a surgical procedure, so doctors came first."

"No, no," countered the mathematician. "At the very beginning was chaos. God created order out of chaos, and that required math. So my profession was mentioned first."

The lawyer smiled coyly. "And who," he replied, "do you think created the chaos?"

Posted here for 10-14-02. Source: Resource Roundup, July 2002, page 8, from GOP News & Views. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website.

I bought my wife one of those new mood rings. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.

Posted here for 10-7-02. Source: Resource Roundup, July 2002, page 8. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website.

Training courses (obviously designed by men) are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After the Game
5. Communication Skills: Tears -- The Last Resort, not the First
6. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
7. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
8. Introduction to Parking
9. Advanced Parking: Backing into a Space
10. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
11. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
12. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu Are Not for Human Consumption
13. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
14. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have
15. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

Posted here for 9-30-02. From Resource Roundup, June 2002, page 8. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website.

Things You Should Have Learned by the Time You Have Reached Middle Age
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
You probably shouldn't weigh more than your refrigerator.

Posted here for 9-23-02. From Resource Roundup, August 2002, page 8. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"

I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you, too."

Posted here for 9-16-02. From an e-mail forwarded to me 8-19-02. Thanks, Tim.

These descriptions are from real evaluations and appraisals, as printed in the July 21st issue of Fortune Magazine:

These quotes were taken from actual performance evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

These lines are actual lines from actual military performance appraisals:

1. "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
2. "A room temperature IQ."
3. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
4. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
5. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
6. "Bright as Alaska in December."
7. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
8. "He's so dense, light bends around him."
9. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
10. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

Posted here for 9-9-02. From an e-mail forwarded to me 8-19-02. Thanks, Tim.

These descriptions were taken from real R�sum�s, as printed in the July 21st issue of Fortune Magazine:

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
15. "Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
18. "Marital status: Often. Children: Various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

Posted here for 9-2-02. From "Pass the Mustard," Inside the Beltway, by John McCaslin, The Washington Times National Weekly Edition, June 10-16, 2002, page 6. Address: 3600 New York Avenue, NE, Washington, DC 20002. E-mail. Website.

"[During the Competitive Enterprise Institute's annual dinner,] Office of Management and Budget (OMB) Director Mitchell E. Daniels, Jr. cited an example of philosophical conversations with his college-age daughter: 'If James Carvelle and Geraldo Rivera were both drowning, and you could save only one, would you read the paper or eat lunch?'"

Posted here for 8-26-02. From an e-mail, dated 8-9-02 from the Madison Policy Digest. Website.

Negotiating with God
I was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds when I decided to talk to God. "God," I said, "how long is a million years?"

God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."

Then I asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God answered, "To me, it's a penny."

So I asked, "God, can I have a few pennies?"

God answered, "In a minute."

Posted here for 8-19-02. From an e-mail, dated 7-11-02. Thanks, Michael.

Still More Pun-ishment -- Continued
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Adolescence - when a lad forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Posted here for 8-12-02. From an e-mail, dated 7-11-02. Thanks, Michael.

Still More Pun-ishment
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
To err is human, to moo bovine.
A good pun is its own reword.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Despite rumors to the contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing to waste.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes ! from morons?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Posted here for 8-5-02. From an e-mail, dated 7-10-02. Thanks, Michael.

Real Pun-ishment -- Continued from 7-29, below
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendars' days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Posted here for 7-29-02. From an e-mail, dated 7-10-02. Thanks, Michael.

Real Pun-ishment
1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Posted here for 7-22-02. From an e-mail, dated 7-15-02. Thanks, Bud.

Question: What do you call a tiny fortune-teller who just escaped from prison?

Answer: A small medium at large."

Posted here for 7-15-02. From an e-mail, dated 5-3-02. Thanks, Tim.

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him.

Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice."

"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night."

Posted here for 7-8-02. From an e-mail. Thanks, Rob.

At a nursing home in Florida, some senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man.

Then, after a short moment of silence, a woman asserted "Thank goodness we can all still drive."

Xtra items for 2000.

Xtra items for 2001.

Xtra items for First Half of 2002.

The way back home.