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 Posted here for 12-20-04. From an e-mail dated 12-15-04. Thanks, Bill.  Posted here for 12-13-04. From an e-mail dated 12-8-04. Thanks, Tim & Cheryl.  If you stare at the image long enough, you should see a giraffe. Posted here for 12-6-04. From "We Love Blonde Jokes!" Resource Roundup, November 2004, page 9. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website. A blind guy at a bar says, "Hey! Anyone wanna hear a great blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things: First, the bartender is a blonde girl. Second, the bouncer is a blonde girl. Third, I'm a six-foot-tall, 160-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Fourth, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight-lifter. And fifth, the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. Posted here for 11-29-04. From an e-mail dated 11-9-04. Thanks, Jay.  Posted here for 11-22-04. From an e-mail dated 11-16-04. Thanks, Alan.  Look what this London publication thinks of a majority of U.S. voters. Posted here for 11-15-04. From an e-mail dated 11-11-04. Thanks, Jay.  Posted here for 11-8-04. From an e-mail dated 8-30-04. Thanks, Tim and Cheryl.  Posted here for 11-1-04. From an e-mail, but the date and source are now lost. Thanks to whoever it was!  Posted here for 10-25-04. From an e-mail dated 10-11-04. Thanks, Dick. Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner and this one had an "Elect John Kerry" bumper sticker on it. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. Posted here for 10-18-04. Posted here for 10-11-04. From an e-mail dated 10-6-04. Thanks, Dave.  Posted here for 10-4-04. From an e-mail dated 8-26-04. Thanks, Tim.  The John F. Kerrymobile. Posted here for 9-27-04. From an e-mail dated 9-18-04. Thanks, Jay.  Posted here for 9-20-04. From an e-mail dated 7-27-04. Thanks, Jay.  How to tell if a guy is rich. Posted here for 9-13-04. From an e-mail dated 8-26-04. Thanks, Tim.  I thought there was a rule: "Don't eat anything bigger than your head." Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, in Pennsylvania, serves the world's biggest burger - weighing in at six pounds! Loaded with all the "fixin's" (two whole tomatoes, a half-head of lettuce, 12 slices of American cheese, a full cup of peppers, two entire onions, and a river of mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard), this meat monster sells for $23.95. Its main appeal seems to be . . . no one has ever finished one! Posted here for 9-6-04. From an e-mail dated 6-23-04. Thanks, Tim.  The official portrait of President Bill Clinton is unveiled in Washington, DC. Posted here for 8-30-04. From an e-mail dated 8-17-04. Thanks, Jay.  The Dynamic Duo stands ready to fight terrorism. Posted here for 8-23-04. From an e-mail dated 6-18-04. Thanks, Jay.  Posted here for 8-2-04. From "Those Loving Names," Resource Roundup, May 2004, page 8. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website. An elderly gent was invited to his old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms -- Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and clearly they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man looked a little disconcerted. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago." Posted here for 7-26-04. From an e-mail dated 6-1-04. Thanks, Dave.  The new medal, named in honor of John Kerry, is called the "Purple Owie." It's worn directly over the wound. After use, it is rolled up and thrown over the nearest fence. Posted here for 7-19-04. From "Be Careful what You Wish for," Resource Roundup, June 2004, page 8. Address: PO Box 790, Spearfish, South Dakota 57783. Phone: 970-856-6086. E-mail. Website. A man and his wife, now in their 60s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple, she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety! Posted here for 7-12-04. From an e-mail dated 3-29-04. Thanks, Jay. Talk about a bad day! A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the poison."  Xtra items for 2000. Xtra items for 2001. Xtra items for First Half of 2002. Second Half of 2002. Xtra items for First Half of 2003. Second Half of 2003. Xtra items for First Half of 2004.The way back home. |
